the photine blog

I can't see

So while I've been dealing with the whole can't hear thing (thankfully that's over) I have been simultaneously fighting a whole can't see thing.  I needed new contact lenses so I went back to my regular eye place in mid-March. Unfortunately my normal doctor wasn't there and the one that has been dealing with me has been hard to work with.

When I went in I didn't really notice a change in my prescription.  I had just run out of lenses and needed new ones.  He gave me what was the newest model of the lenses that I used to have.  But they just did not feel comfortable on my eyes and words seemed to be blurred.  Next he gave me a very long lecture about why I am so difficult to fit for contact lenses (astigmatism, near sighted, flat corneas) and fitted me with two different lenses, one for each eye.  Killing two birds with one stone, to knock out two brands at once.  One lens wasn't bad, but the other one was horrible.  When I went to see Les Mis it was pretty much blurry the whole time.  But I suffered through.  I went back the third time and he kept the brand of the lens that was working, but tweaked things on both of them.  He gave me those on Friday. 

I wasn't supposed to go back until Saturday, but I went in today (time #4!) since I was off work.  All weekend, things have been blurry.  Comfortable but blurry.  While I was looking at the stars last night they were blurry dots of light.  I had to squint for the letters to be clear on the TV.  That isn't the way it is supposed to be.  Right?  I don't even know anymore.

Today I got more lectures about why I am so difficult to fit and how people that use the computer a lot or are on allergy medications just won't see as sharp as other people.  And I would say that I don't think I should have to see the world blurry AND that I wasn't having these problems with my old contact lenses and he would launch into the same lectures again.  I tried my best, but I got upset.  And you all know what happens when I get upset (kind of like the Hulk, but with tears).  At that point he went to get a third party to be a witness, I guess because I am such a difficult person and he wanted to make sure that later he would have a witness to what he told me.

And I feel bad.  I feel like I am being a difficult patient, but I don't think I should have to see things blurry.  I would tell him that I could read the 20/20 line, but it was blurry.  And then he would say well you have 20/20 or 20/30.  But yes, but the line was BLURRY.  That would start the same lectures over.  I'm so frustrated.  He is ordering my old lenses to see if that works, but he pretty much said, if I order these are you going to be happy?  As in are you going to stop complaining?  The problem is I'm kind of trapped here because I've already used my insurance.  So I'm going to hope that the old lenses are still ok and that I haven't forgotten that they were bad, pay and get out of there, even if it isn't perfect.  

Tonight I'm totally paranoid about what I'm seeing with my glasses when I never even used to think about it.  I panic at the thought of just having to see blurry for a few months until I can afford to go somewhere else on my own or having to move to glasses permanently, but I just don't know how many more times I can go back to him.  Why does dealing with doctors have to be so difficult?

Crawling across the finish line

I made it.  Today is the last day before a week long vacation and boy do I need it.  I think we all do.  I hate to assign blame, but I lay this squarely at the feet of Ike.  I spoke to several people this week about it and they all feel the same way.  Like we have been swimming against the tide, barely keeping our head above water.   I'm hoping this week will allow us to catch our breath and get back into the flow of the school year.  

Work is exhausting and then I come home and do absolutely nothing.  I am trying to keep up with my online ventures, but I just haven't.  I read emails but don't respond.  I read blogs but don't comment.  I look at photos on photoblogs and Flickr, but don't comment.  I have responsibilities that I need to take care of for Houston Photobloggers and they sit in my inbox waiting for me.  

So TGIF.  I've been waiting for this one.

PS.  I just found this.  I think it is a sign that today will be a good one.

Letting Go

I need to learn how to let things go. I'm sure this is a symptom of the anxiety that I dealt with last summer. It's a long saga. If you weren't following back then the short story is that I think have some mild (mild means mild) anxiety issues and I'd rather not take medication if I can help it.

I'm still mad from something that happened yesterday. I tried to write the details several times, but I just couldn't do it in a general manner and I don't want to get into details. Let's just say passive aggressive (i.e. childish) behavior from a co-worker. I was so mad yesterday I actually threw something across my office and I never do things like that. I can only think of one other time in my entire life where I threw something in frustration. This is one of those things that I need to let go and continue on with what I need to do, but that is easier said than done. I'm not dwelling on it every hour of the day, but it has been crossing my mind and when I think about it gets to me. Deep breathing and a walk this afternoon are in order (plus writing on the blog helps). I hope that will be enough. How do you let things go that are bothering you?

Typepad give me my info back!

Typepad, I'm very unhappy with you right now. You used to be able to view how much storage space you had used and how much bandwidth you had used in the control panel. Now that is gone and it looks like there is no immediate plans to bring it back. If this was a free service then I would understand, but it is not. I am paying you for this service and I want to see how close I am to my limits, whether I am close to my limits or far, far away. This is essentially a hosting company and I can't think of a hosting company where you PAY where you can not see what you have used.

Are you kidding me?

Have you ever done something so bone headed at work, that you dreaded going in? You knew that people were going to be talking about you behind your back or maybe even in front of your face for weeks. That you can not deny the fact that you did something bone headed and that no matter how you try to pass the blame, everyone knows it is YOUR fault.

Anyone know what that feels like? Yeah, well me either thankfully. But I do know someone who is feeling this way. That would be the first year teacher at my school who was in charge of the yearbook. I started hearing rumors about it on Thursday when the books arrived and kids starting telling me that one particular student who happened to be on the staff was in the book an inordinate amount of times. Then I heard a rumble that the cover was kind of plain. Then I heard that they misspelled the principal's name three different times, three different ways. Keep in mind that the books have not even been widely distributed yet.

Well this morning the band director came and told me that she had heard that the band and the choir were not in the yearbook at all. AT ALL. My reaction? WHAT!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? WHAT!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

I gave that woman the choir pictures in January. Everything clearly labeled and I even emailed her the files. I'm so shocked that I am actually numb. After my initial outburst, I have felt nothing. Certainly not boiling anger like my assistant, but just numb. There was a big school trip today, plus my own choir trip so I think the real gossiping will begin in earnest on Monday.

And what can I possibly say to her? There is nothing I can think of because what's the point? She can't go back and fix the yearbook and she obviously will not be in charge of it next year. I almost feel sorry for her because she screwed up on such a royal scale. It's like the Southwest Airline commercials about getting away. She needs to get away.

It's just sad because the band and choir make up half the school population. And the 8th graders will have a crappy record of their last year at our school.

Ticked

I've always been more of an Amazon person than an eBay person. I am not a sale addict like some friends I know and I like the security of dealing with Amazon versus dealing with regular people. And now my particular preferences will be solidified because of my current eBay transaction.

I ordered my new camera on Sunday and paid for 3 days shipping. It wasn't submitted to ship until Tuesday, but I can't complain about that too much because I know they are a real person and it says on the auction that they will ship within 2 business days. So shipped on Tuesday, 3 business days, scheduled to arrive Friday. And that is what UPS said until today when it suddenly says scheduled to arrive on the 13th! I am not happy. I wanted to get familiar with this camera before I went to San Antonio. Plus I paid for 3 day shipping! We'll see what the seller has to say to my email. I am definitely not in the mood to leave positive feedback. And next time I go shopping it will probably be at Amazon.

Windows

You know the kind of windows where they say they will be there between 8 am and 12 pm. And you are firmly entrenched in your summer sleep schedule which means you don't fall asleep until 1:30 am at the earliest. But you have to get up, because the window is 8 am to 12 pm. So you're tired and cranky and it is now 11:30 and they will probably show up at 11:59. Ugh.

UPDATE: 11:45

Patience

Sometimes I'm very patient. I think when I am in situations where I expect delays (traffic, long lines, restaurant waits, etc.) then my patience is steadfast. In fact I get a little irritated listening to people complain about lines etc. when they are expected.

Then there are times like now. I am being held up on one of my projects by someone else. I have little patience when I am at the mercy of someone else. I don't want to be a nag, but I feel like everything is on hold until this is finished. And I don't mean just things related to that project. I mean everything, even stuff that is totally unrelated. I guess I am a one project at a time type of girl and it is driving me crazy that this one isn't finished. This isn't a life or death type of project, but I still want it finished.

I've sent two emails already Sunday and Monday. I know I should wait at least until Thursday before I do it again, but I have zero and I mean zero patience. I feel sorry for people who live like this perpetually.